In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
