Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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