If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
