I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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