at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
