im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
