Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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