really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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