I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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