feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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