He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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