On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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