I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
