I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
where am i from again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
