Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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