Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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