Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
