can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
