well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this will be a night to untag.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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