Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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