North Korea, Best Korea!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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