Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
