Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
