so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
