So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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