If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
