OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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