My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
