I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
