Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
