I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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