hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
