dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
