I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
