FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
