I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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