No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I deserve this hangover.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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