Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
