there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont even know how to be here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
