Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
