Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
