I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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