she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
