Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He did a backflip because drugs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
