He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
