Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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