We're like a lot better than the average bears
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
