but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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