So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
