I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
