Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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