She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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